He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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