ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
