but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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