I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
