a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
