Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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