he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
