What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
