he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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