why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
