and you said cock pushups were impossible
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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