When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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