she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
