Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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