My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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