just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize