i need an iv and a liver transplant
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
