GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
