well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
