you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
