she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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