Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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