I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
