...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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