At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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