Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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