I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
