Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize