Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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