I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
