You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
