you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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