I should be sponsored by Trojan
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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