i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
