She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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