the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
