I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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