3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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