There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
