And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
