The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
