my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everclear isn't food dammit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
