She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
