literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
