You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
