I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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