Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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