You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
