Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
