So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ladies don't puke and tell
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
