your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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