At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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