Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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