I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
