I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
