there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize