You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
