Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
