Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
