So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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