is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
