when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
