This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
