Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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