It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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