we're chasing vodka with high fives
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
