I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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