I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What a dumb baby whore.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
