I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
