Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
