So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
