Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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