just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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