Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
