So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
