I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am midnight drunk by noon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
