My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize