you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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