Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
