well you can't waste a boner
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
