no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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