Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well you can't waste a boner
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
