well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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