Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
