Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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