Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
